What happens when you let go

I always wondered what would happen if I just decided to let things go.

Tonight, dinner turned into a really great science experiment. Lucas is into anything related to weather right now. Yesterday we watched a DVD about weather and in it was a cool experiment on cloud formation. A scientist did something or another in a metal drum and added liquid Nitrogen to form an abundance of "clouds" in the room.

We discovered tonight that you don't need the nitrogen. Just an over-heated pan, a frozen shrimp stir-fry dinner, and Chris. There was a layer of clouds hovering close to the ceiling throughout the kitchen and amazing plumes of steam rising from the pan. The picture doesn't do it justice. This is after the clouds had fallen and filled the room in a fog. (You will have to really zoom in to see Chris.)

Lucas also inadvertently conducted a food experiment. So far, cheese that has been out for three days is safe to eat! Chris packed him a lunch on Wednesday that he left at school. But today, he remembered it! When I asked him what he had for lunch (Paul's mom, Ginny thought she would be feeding him at her house) he said a muffin, apple, crackers and cheese. At crackers, I realized what had happened. "It was white cheese. And even better than the kind we have at home!" He likes aged cheese like I do.

The good thing about letting go, is that you care much less about such things!

Day 4

It's so easy to blog when you can write all you've done in a day in a couple of paragraphs. Today I slept, read, and Internet window shopped in the morning. Chris's dad "Papa" picked Lucas up from school and took him out to Fellini's. When they came home, one of the many things they did was play Lucas's favorite board games (a recommendation of Paul's,) Richard Scarry's Busytown. Then Lucas came to my room, his new nap spot. I know Lucas was very happy to spend a special afternoon with Papa.

Meanwhile, I took my bedrest outside to a lounge chair in the sun. I'm a big fan of vitamin D and feel that the sun and breeze are so healing. Just hoping that I can soon add short walks to this new spa regimen.

But after Lucas's nap, the meltdowns began. I was waiting for this and now I'm glad he got it all out of his system.

First he was SO upset Papa had to leave. He was wet, groggy and very grumpy. So after letting him cry for a while, I offered him some of the banana and pumpkin breads Gigi made for us. Lately he has not been liking anything pumpkin and banana bread has also been off the list. But I convinced him to try it and Gigi's pumpkin bread was a huge success! So we bonded, chair scooted next to chair (briefly took my bedrest to the dining room table) and enjoyed the breads with tea.

Later we had a typical post-video meltdown which got out of hand and Lucas had to spend some time in his room. Again, he got out many tears of frustration (and underlying confusion I'm sure.) He emerged a new cleansed being and has been much more calm and focused ever since.

I'm starting to think that once a year (or better yet, quarterly) bedrest should be recommended for all pregnant women and mothers. It's amazing how each day I'm feeling more and more rested and am gaining new perspective into what is truly important. God help me put it into practice :)

Bed Rest, Day 3 (continued)

I thought Lucas might have been a bit traumatized seeing Mama in bed day after day, but what was I thinking? Tons of daddy time, playdates without me, grandparents around every corner...

Today Lucas went to Paul's house (a friend from school.) Ginny put them right to work. You can see just how upset Lucas is ;)





Chris is doing a fantastic job juggling work, shuffling Lucas off to school, preparing meals, doing laundry, grocery shopping, etc. This morning he urgently asked Lucas to put on his shoes (I seconded it from the bedroom) because they were running late. He didn't even lose his patience when returned to a shoeless but very focused Lucas spoon-feeding a stuffed animal. "I have to feed my baby every morning."

All the grandparents are pitching in too.

Yesterday my mom brought over dinner and made a chicken soup which I've been enjoying today.

My dad came over today and helped with things, and picked up a prescription (antibiotics, unrelated, I'm thrilled.) We sat on lounge chairs in the sun and sipped tea. We did not talk about Russian history (although he did try.) But I did get some good stories about the mining town in Ontario where he grew up (drawing a blank on the name now.) And as usual, I was entertained by his odd declarations. "I tell people a shot of vodka is much healthier than a glass of milk (so far we agree) because of all that bacteria (what?? never heard this as an argument against milk.)

I'm just lying around, meditating as I look out the picture window of my room. Thank goodness it is fall - beautiful! I collected some favorite bible verses of the amazing women of my church and reading them has been like a healing tonic. Next, I need to get into a good book. I'm just hoping I don't turn into a noodle by the time this week is over. I still need strength! 6 weeks to go til my due date and an energetic boy to keep alive! (Caught him just in time today - he was planning to stack a small stool on top of a large one in the master bathroom so he could see his face in the mirror. The downside of Montessori-instilled independence!)

Bed Rest, Day 3

I thought that completing the nursery would get me back into blogging again, but apparently that was not enough. Lying in my bed for three days however, seems to have done it!

Sunday, I stayed overnight at the hospital where they discovered a "marginal sinus tear" (in the placenta) the next morning. This is not the same as a partial placenta abruption, which can be much worse. Hopefully a week of bed rest will do it. And I plan to follow that up with a leisurely schedule which focuses primarily on my physical and spiritual well-being. Something I should have begun months ago!

One more thing on this little "scare" we had. I had asked earlier on for a spiritual pregnancy, thinking of sunshine and butterflies. And I have had some of that. But this has been the most spiritual moment of the pregnancy by far.

I never expected to be bleeding at 33 weeks. But the amazing thing is that I did not feel fear (Romans 4:6-9.) For a moment, I felt regret, wishing I had rested more and not sweated the small stuff so much. But I immediately thought of Christ on the cross and these feelings vanished.

Chris and I have been reading a book "The Jesus I Never Knew." If anyone wants to really understand Jesus, this is a powerful book. After changing into my hospital gown, as we were waiting for the nurse to come in, we prayed. For things that at the moment seemed impossible - for this to be a false alarm, for the baby to go to full term. But then Chris prayed and recognized how Christ was stern and abrupt with his disciples when their faith wavered. And at that point everything was in his hands.